done!
I think I'm bailing on Post Everything... Month. It's not that I'm ashamed of what I eat or whatever, but I'm just sick (still! I know!) and not eating much and when I do eat, it's something quick and bland and just plain boring.
The plus side is, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so I'll bring up the fact that I've been sick (for almost three weeks at this point), and maybe my doctor will decide antibiotics will help me. Or something. I am cautiously optimistic.
One big development in the area of personal growth: I've officially decided that I am done with doing things that make me miserable. I know I thought I deserved to feel miserable before, but now I'm working and doing pretty well in life, so there's no reason for me to even consider punishing myself. You know how you read blogs because you sort of know the person, and you kind of feel obligated to do so, but you feel like crap after reading? I'm done with that. Why should my leisure activities bring me down? PVP in World of Warcraft because I could use the gear upgrade? Done with that. Once again, if I'm playing a game for fun, why would I do something in the game that I hate doing?
I feel like anger forces me to say and do things that I later regret or will otherwise cause me more grief. Since I know I have a temper, and I have a huge complex about being slighted, I've decided it's best to avoid as many causes of my anger as possible. I think this is going to be easy for me, because I pretty much love my job (the commute probably not so much), so that's one source of stress most people have that I really don't.
The hardest part is going to be ignoring people. I take insults to heart, and there are a lot of toxic people in my extended network of friends. I'm tired of telling myself that people's actions and words aren't "worth" getting angry or upset over; those feelings are totally rational, and it's really my mother's voice telling me this - not my own. So instead of getting angry and swallowing it, I'm going to avoid those sources of anger. And really, how much can you value a friendship that is such a burden to you? You don't. And I'm done.
The plus side is, I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, so I'll bring up the fact that I've been sick (for almost three weeks at this point), and maybe my doctor will decide antibiotics will help me. Or something. I am cautiously optimistic.
One big development in the area of personal growth: I've officially decided that I am done with doing things that make me miserable. I know I thought I deserved to feel miserable before, but now I'm working and doing pretty well in life, so there's no reason for me to even consider punishing myself. You know how you read blogs because you sort of know the person, and you kind of feel obligated to do so, but you feel like crap after reading? I'm done with that. Why should my leisure activities bring me down? PVP in World of Warcraft because I could use the gear upgrade? Done with that. Once again, if I'm playing a game for fun, why would I do something in the game that I hate doing?
I feel like anger forces me to say and do things that I later regret or will otherwise cause me more grief. Since I know I have a temper, and I have a huge complex about being slighted, I've decided it's best to avoid as many causes of my anger as possible. I think this is going to be easy for me, because I pretty much love my job (the commute probably not so much), so that's one source of stress most people have that I really don't.
The hardest part is going to be ignoring people. I take insults to heart, and there are a lot of toxic people in my extended network of friends. I'm tired of telling myself that people's actions and words aren't "worth" getting angry or upset over; those feelings are totally rational, and it's really my mother's voice telling me this - not my own. So instead of getting angry and swallowing it, I'm going to avoid those sources of anger. And really, how much can you value a friendship that is such a burden to you? You don't. And I'm done.
2 Comments:
I have found that I spend a lot of time jumping through hoops that I have created myself to please people who are already pleased with me or who are just not that into me. I've decided to stop doing that.
If someone cannot treat you as the very special woman that you are, it's definitely time to limit the exposure or not have that exposure at all. I'm glad that you are learning that now, rather than waiting as long as I did.
This past weekend I was stood up for a "date." It has since been resolved, so I'm in a good space. I treated myself to a quick trip to the planetarium in Concord, NH where my dear old friend Ken works. He told me that I am worth showing up for. I agree.
Sometimes I have to remind Allie to treat me as well as she treats her best friend. You can't choose your relatives, but they should learn to be kind to you, to treat you as the special gift that you are.
I didn't even need to know you very long to know that you are worth knowing and imminently lovable. I trust Steve's judgment and through him I have received the gift of having you as my other daughter.
Commuting becomes what you make of it, I guess. It sucks, but you can train yourself to take advantage of the time to read, knit, listen to music, write, do puzzles. Just be sure to wash your hands and try not to inhale!
I'm sorry that I upset you, Erin. It was certainly not my intent. I don't know you well, but I know you are an intelligent person, regardless of your background in biology.
Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. It is a fact we all have to deal with. Ignorance is perfectly acceptable, but parading it as intelligence is not-- that was the fuel behind my rant.
Anyways, you are completely right; there is no reason for leisure activities to be a burden. Good luck with your personal growth and whatnot, and I hope you realize I think you're pretty cool.
Post a Comment
<< Home