Open letter to tenant unlikely to respond.
Dear Woman Who Lives Directly Above Our Apartment,
Good morning. And I'm certain it is a good morning, considering you were up bright and early at 5 am dropping a plastic suitcase full of bricks down the front stairs.
Though, perhaps you didn't get enough sleep. You came in at 11 pm last night. I know that you came in at 11 because you were yelling out to someone from the vestibule. The vestibule that our front door opens to. The front door that is in our bedroom.
I don't understand. You know that humans are occupying the apartment below you. I know this, because you referred to us in your high decibel conversation, saying you have no idea who we are. This makes no sense to me, as we were only referenced because you though you might be too loud and therefore disturbing us at 11 on a Sunday night.
I can deal with the fact that you seem to wear your heels in your apartment and you kind of have a heavy foot, so it sounds like the ladies room of an elephant wedding when you're home. I can even deal with the fact that you slam your door and run up and down the stairs for no reason, repeating the process several times in succession.
But seriously? What the hell? I did not appreciate waking up at 5 in the morning. This is because my alarm goes off at 6, and an hour is not long enough to get more REM sleep. We cannot all be as fortunate to be perky and uhh... coordinated in the morning as you are. I pray to god that we somehow kept you awake by watching Battlestar Galactica at some point (Edward James Olmos! NOOOOO!). You are so lucky I have a great station going on Pandora right now.
Grouchily yours,
Erin Explosion
Good morning. And I'm certain it is a good morning, considering you were up bright and early at 5 am dropping a plastic suitcase full of bricks down the front stairs.
Though, perhaps you didn't get enough sleep. You came in at 11 pm last night. I know that you came in at 11 because you were yelling out to someone from the vestibule. The vestibule that our front door opens to. The front door that is in our bedroom.
I don't understand. You know that humans are occupying the apartment below you. I know this, because you referred to us in your high decibel conversation, saying you have no idea who we are. This makes no sense to me, as we were only referenced because you though you might be too loud and therefore disturbing us at 11 on a Sunday night.
I can deal with the fact that you seem to wear your heels in your apartment and you kind of have a heavy foot, so it sounds like the ladies room of an elephant wedding when you're home. I can even deal with the fact that you slam your door and run up and down the stairs for no reason, repeating the process several times in succession.
But seriously? What the hell? I did not appreciate waking up at 5 in the morning. This is because my alarm goes off at 6, and an hour is not long enough to get more REM sleep. We cannot all be as fortunate to be perky and uhh... coordinated in the morning as you are. I pray to god that we somehow kept you awake by watching Battlestar Galactica at some point (Edward James Olmos! NOOOOO!). You are so lucky I have a great station going on Pandora right now.
Grouchily yours,
Erin Explosion
1 Comments:
The woman above tells me that her dog is never home alone. I truly believe that she is home when the dog barks for hours on end.
I never wear shoes in my apartment and it is carpeted. I carry myself in such a way that I hope the tenant downstairs does not hear me. I've never had a complaint.
I'd like to find out which apartments some of neighbors live in so that I can return the favors they have shared with me--talking loudly beneath my bedroom window very early in the morning or late at night. And I would like to make sure my car alarm annoys them.
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