Help me help myself.

Right intention can be described best as commitment to ethical and mental self-improvement. The Buddha distinguishes three types of right intentions:
1. the intention of renunciation, which means resistance to the pull of desire,
2. the intention of good will, meaning resistance to feelings of anger and aversion, and
3. the intention of harmlessness, meaning not to think or act cruelly, violently, or aggressively, and to develop compassion.

"Right Intention" has been called upon as my mantra for the past few days, as I can feel the anger rising in me. Earlier today while I was vomiting in the bathroom at work (antibiotics + influx of hormones from a new Ring), this woman would not stop pounding on the door to use the ladies room (it's a single room - a walk in closet with a toilet and sink, basically). As I coughed and sputtered, she continued to slam on the door and jiggle the handle. She waited outside the door for at least 10 minutes while I finished up and regained my composure.

I came out and she was still lingering right next to the door. The mens room was right next door and completely unoccupied. If she was that desperate to use the restroom, why didn't she just use the room next door? Or go upstairs to a different bathroom, if she was uncomfortable using a toilet that had a urinal right next to it?

I gave her the dirtiest look I could muster. I feel pretty guilty about it right now, especially when I think about what I wanted to say to that woman. I'm telling myself that she was deaf or otherwise hard of hearing so I can feel compassionate towards her instead of angry.

The fact that she still exists arises in my head every now and then, and it always makes my blood boil. It's a collection of betrayal, frustration and feeling sorry for myself. It's comforting to know that I live in Cambridge now, so I'm not sharing My City with her. I know I should be feeling compassion towards all living things, because every life deserves to be treated with respect, but it is very, very difficult to banish the negative thoughts from my mind. I have more compassion for the guy who pulled a knife on the train, or the guy who deliberately tried to scare me while I crossed the street. I have more compassion for people who could have killed me than I do for her, years later.

I know it's counter-productive to be writing this, because really I should just give up and know nothing good will ever come from this situation ever, and just be done with it. I would like to do this, but I cannot banish these thoughts, as hard as I try. They never go away, they just lie dormant for a couple of weeks at a time, tops. Honestly, I don't think I ever will stop being angry about this. I'm still holding a grudge from almost a dozen years ago. Forgiving and forgetting has never been my strong suit. How does anyone get over anything? It just seems so much easier to hate people with whom you previously had some sort of connection, rather than some random inconsiderate guy in a Toyota Corolla.