To Clarify:
Just for the record,
Everyone lies to you about wisdom tooth extraction. If someone says he was eating tortilla chips the day after surgery, he either
1) has the world's highest pain tolerance
2) did not have all four teeth removed
3) had the least complicated extraction ever
4) was eating the chips after they had soaked in a bowl of water for 20 minutes.
As of about 10 this morning, I will have had my teeth out for exactly one week. My face still looks like this:
And it still feels like I got kicked in the jaw by a mule. And I didn't even get dry socket!
Ok, first of all, "dissolving stitches" doesn't really mean that they dissolve. Sure, parts of the stitches dissolve, so you're left with a long knotted string in your mouth that annoys the shit out of you but you can't actually pull it out because you might disrupt the healing process and you just have to pray that it somehow magically dissolves overnight and you don't wake up at 3 in the morning coughing and sputtering with something vaguely pointy lodged in your throat.
If you go out in public, people will stare at your face. Stop mid-sentence when they see the bruising. Look all shocked and maybe point a little but not even have the common fucking courtesy to come up to you and ask if you need the number for a domestic violence hotline. You will be disoriented all the fucking time and no one will help you or even ask if you need help because you are at least as creepy as the old guy in sweatpants who wanders around with a shopping cart full of half-full garbage bags.
The world is fraught with peril when you have your teeth out. You have no idea how close people come to whacking you in the face until your teeth come out. Maybe two days after surgery, I walked through the tiny-ass park next to my apartment to get to the grocery store and I was nearly hit by: 1) a softball, 2) a guy riding a bike and 3) a guy on a riding mower.
I had a fuckton of plaque adhered to my upper back molars, so I tried to floss a bit back there. Some gross shit came off, but I couldn't scrape it all away, so I brushed it off. It was brown like dried blood and decaying crap. I rinse my mouth pretty often! They didn't ooze any more than they've been oozing these past 7 days.
I clean the bottom left corner, everything's hunky dory. A little tender, a tiny spot of blood, no big deal.
I noticed the gums around my bottom right back molar were sitting really high, so I poked around with my tongue and tried to rinse it with a bit of warm water. Apparently my gums were the floodgates holding back every drop of blood in my body. Dear Red Cross: I know you don't let me donate blood because my veins are too tiny, but I just found easier access for you!
So, ok, do I just throw oral hygiene out the window for the next 3 weeks while I wait for my mouth to heal? Isn't mouth tissue supposed to be one of the fastest healing tissues in the body? This is the complete opposite of what I was taught when I had a mouth piercing! You need to keep your mouth clean constantly because you have an open goddamn wound and your body needs to heal it without wasting energy on fighting an infection that you should've prevented. Clean meticulously 2-3 times a day, no more than that, you idiot! Rinse with salt water and don't touch with dirty hands. You should be fine to eat normal food in 3 days if you cut it into smallish bite-sized pieces.
The only things here that also hold true for wisdom teeth are the salt water (thank god no one tells you to use alcohol-based mouthwash to kill germs... and healthy tissue), and wash your hands before you poke around in your mouth (especially after riding the subway).
Why can't this shit just heal over already?! I have a completely unopened bag of Trader Joe's tortilla chips I want to eat. The thick kind.
So yes, if you have not had your wisdom teeth out yet, you're in for the worst month of your life, apparently. It is significantly worse than everyone says it is. This is a million times more annoying and painful than a breast reduction. After my breast reduction, antibiotics didn't make me vomit into my open fucking wounds. They gave me Percocet after my reduction, which unlike Vicodin, doesn't destroy my liver and actually works as a painkiller.
My surgeon was fucking awesome, as was his office, and I will give a good review on Yelp when I'm not so fucking distraught, but JESUS CHRIST. If someone tells you that getting four impacted wisdom teeth out isn't a big deal, you are being lied to. Get the anesthesia. You will be traumatized enough by the shit you have to go through once they kick you out of the recovery room.
Everyone lies to you about wisdom tooth extraction. If someone says he was eating tortilla chips the day after surgery, he either
1) has the world's highest pain tolerance
2) did not have all four teeth removed
3) had the least complicated extraction ever
4) was eating the chips after they had soaked in a bowl of water for 20 minutes.
As of about 10 this morning, I will have had my teeth out for exactly one week. My face still looks like this:
And it still feels like I got kicked in the jaw by a mule. And I didn't even get dry socket!
Ok, first of all, "dissolving stitches" doesn't really mean that they dissolve. Sure, parts of the stitches dissolve, so you're left with a long knotted string in your mouth that annoys the shit out of you but you can't actually pull it out because you might disrupt the healing process and you just have to pray that it somehow magically dissolves overnight and you don't wake up at 3 in the morning coughing and sputtering with something vaguely pointy lodged in your throat.
If you go out in public, people will stare at your face. Stop mid-sentence when they see the bruising. Look all shocked and maybe point a little but not even have the common fucking courtesy to come up to you and ask if you need the number for a domestic violence hotline. You will be disoriented all the fucking time and no one will help you or even ask if you need help because you are at least as creepy as the old guy in sweatpants who wanders around with a shopping cart full of half-full garbage bags.
The world is fraught with peril when you have your teeth out. You have no idea how close people come to whacking you in the face until your teeth come out. Maybe two days after surgery, I walked through the tiny-ass park next to my apartment to get to the grocery store and I was nearly hit by: 1) a softball, 2) a guy riding a bike and 3) a guy on a riding mower.
I had a fuckton of plaque adhered to my upper back molars, so I tried to floss a bit back there. Some gross shit came off, but I couldn't scrape it all away, so I brushed it off. It was brown like dried blood and decaying crap. I rinse my mouth pretty often! They didn't ooze any more than they've been oozing these past 7 days.
I clean the bottom left corner, everything's hunky dory. A little tender, a tiny spot of blood, no big deal.
I noticed the gums around my bottom right back molar were sitting really high, so I poked around with my tongue and tried to rinse it with a bit of warm water. Apparently my gums were the floodgates holding back every drop of blood in my body. Dear Red Cross: I know you don't let me donate blood because my veins are too tiny, but I just found easier access for you!
So, ok, do I just throw oral hygiene out the window for the next 3 weeks while I wait for my mouth to heal? Isn't mouth tissue supposed to be one of the fastest healing tissues in the body? This is the complete opposite of what I was taught when I had a mouth piercing! You need to keep your mouth clean constantly because you have an open goddamn wound and your body needs to heal it without wasting energy on fighting an infection that you should've prevented. Clean meticulously 2-3 times a day, no more than that, you idiot! Rinse with salt water and don't touch with dirty hands. You should be fine to eat normal food in 3 days if you cut it into smallish bite-sized pieces.
The only things here that also hold true for wisdom teeth are the salt water (thank god no one tells you to use alcohol-based mouthwash to kill germs... and healthy tissue), and wash your hands before you poke around in your mouth (especially after riding the subway).
Why can't this shit just heal over already?! I have a completely unopened bag of Trader Joe's tortilla chips I want to eat. The thick kind.
So yes, if you have not had your wisdom teeth out yet, you're in for the worst month of your life, apparently. It is significantly worse than everyone says it is. This is a million times more annoying and painful than a breast reduction. After my breast reduction, antibiotics didn't make me vomit into my open fucking wounds. They gave me Percocet after my reduction, which unlike Vicodin, doesn't destroy my liver and actually works as a painkiller.
My surgeon was fucking awesome, as was his office, and I will give a good review on Yelp when I'm not so fucking distraught, but JESUS CHRIST. If someone tells you that getting four impacted wisdom teeth out isn't a big deal, you are being lied to. Get the anesthesia. You will be traumatized enough by the shit you have to go through once they kick you out of the recovery room.
2 Comments:
Maybe if you didn't run around helping your Mom move...Hey, I didn't want to scare you and tell you it sucks. I had to have mine out as soon as they showed on x-rays, so they were extracted one at a time over the course of two or three years. I can tell you, I did not want to go back after the first one.
Try to sleep with you head a bit elevated. If you still have pain, call the doc and tell him you need Percocet, at least at night so you can sleep. Do not use a straw. Rinse with salt water often (it might help the stitches dissolve faster). And make your boy wait on you hand and foot like I did for him. Milk it, baby!
Oh, yeah. Have Yermo write on you with a Sharpie--"I did this to the bitch because she looked at another man."
Good writing! Although I (being 54) would love to see someone tell a story without gutter language and using the Lord's name (in vain). I just had a wisdom tooth pulled and it is not causing me any trouble: it's the extraction of a remnant of a tooth that was left over from an unnecessary root canal done 10 years ago (didn't even have a cavity!). That little bugger was harder to get out than my wisdom tooth. and two days later: dry socket. i waited a whole 6 hours before i smoked very very very gently, hardly sucking at all! i think certain instructions were omitted, e.g.: don't brush your teeth, certainly don't spit; well i did both, again, very very very gently. and today was told, You smoked! You Have Dry Socket! I said: What's That? Well, dammit, they should have explained all of this stuff BEFORE the gas, the shots, the 3 hours in the chair! (had some cavities in there too: PEOPLE: GO TO THE DENTIST EVERY YEAR!!!). I couldn't wait to get out of there and between the fuzzy head and having to pee, maybe a few of their instructions slipped in.
Ah, well. I have my two upper wisdom teeth (not impacted by the way) extracted at least 15 years ago and it was a breeze. I certainly didn't get dry socket, and i don't think i had any symptoms after a week.
Considering the pain and smell - it may be wise to get a very good referral to a dentist - don't go to just anyone. Hope you're feeling better zero-chance, ad
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